Funions and Mr Pibb
by 3DBABE1999
Summary: Ever wonder why Sam ran away from home or what he was thinking while he was gone? This is a story about how all of Sam's "Greatest hits" from "Dark side of the Moon" weren't exactly good memories.
1. Chapter 1

"Funions" and "Mr. Pibb."

Ever wonder WHY Sam ran away or what he was thinking while he was gone. How the memories from "Dark side of the moon" weren't exactly good.

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"Thanksgiving"

Another town another school. Another time he felt so very lonely. Dean was old enough now to go with his dad on hunts leaving eleven year old Sam alone yet again. This had become a regular occurance ever since he'd hit nine and he didn't know why he'd hoped it would be different as he got older, But once, just once he'd like to spend a Holiday with his family.

A cute little girl a whole three months younger than him had been flirting nonstop since he'd started school and he couldn't help but blush when she just came right out and asked him if he wanted to come to her house for Thanksgiving. Well he didn't have any other plans as he was certain his father and Dean wouldn't return for another week or so meaning none of their once traditional bucket of extra crispy, which no Thanksgiving meal for him. So he gladly agreed.

He dressed up and like any other eleven year old boy he didn't like wearing his Sunday best because the clothes were, itchy not to mention starting to get a little small on his growing frame.

Nervously he knocked on the front door of the home to the address the girl had given him. It was the nicest home he'd ever been this close to and he started to get even more nervous as he thought this might be some sort of elaborate prank to humiliate him. Now he was sweaty and his palms got clammy as he knocked again.

Nothing.

He started to turn away when the door swung open and the voice of a man came from behind him saying sternly "You must be Sam."

"Yes sir." Sam said trying not to stammer.

Something else a eleven year old boy doesn't usually like to do: Meet a girl's dad.

Once Sam was seated at the table the girl's father started grilling him about how old he was, where he lived, what his grades were like, what his father did for a living, what his plans were for his future, and so on until Sam ran out of lies and halftruths to tell and had to excuse himself to leave for home before he even got a chance at dessert.

Three days later Dean and his father came home to find him all to ready to move somewhere else for a change... And all to willing to just forget trying to celebrate any other holidays.

...

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Next chapter will talk about how Sam ran away to Flagstaff. PLEASE review!


	2. Chapter 2

"Funions" and "Mr. Pibb"

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Author's Note: I suddenly realized last night that I messed up TWICE in Chapter 1, Sam was 11yrs old not 14 when he spent Thanksgiving with another family (So oops I think I got it mixed up with "The Girl Next Door" (sorry if you haven't seen Season 7 Episode 3) and it was a bucket of extra crispy not a Boston Market dinner ( Oops again I think I got this one mixed up with "A Very Supernatural Christmas" (sorry (again) if you haven't seen Season 3 Episode 8) I apologize for these mistakes and I went back and fixed them so that my timeline makes more sense.

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"Flagstaff"

It was the spring of 1998 three days before his sixteenth birthday and here he was alone yet again. It wasn't suprising because this was the fourth birthday his father had forgotten but now Dean wasn't there this time as well and Sam was so sure Dean of all people would never forget his birthday especially with it being a milestone and all.

True to Sam's hopes Dean didn't disapoint as always. The morning of his birthday he woke up to the familiar sound of the Impala pulling up outside the motel. He ran to the window and looked outside. Okay so Dean was on time but that didn't mean that he still didn't have the right to get broody if their dad didn't show. And just like Sam had expected his father's big black beast of a truck was nowhere in sight. "Of course." Sam muttered under his breath as he watched Dean get out of the Impala.

Seconds later Dean came in and seemed to automatically sense Sam's "Bitch face" even though Sam wasn't facing him. Instead he was still looking out the window, like a puppy waiting for it's owner, hoping in his depths to see his dad's truck come around the corner any second.

It seemed forever passed in the span of three minutes as Sam finally allowed himself to deflate as he whispered "Dad's not coming. Is he?"

"Sam, the hunt we were on was kind of difficult, dad just had to go blow of some steam." Said Dean as he patted his little brother on the back.

"On my birthday, of course he had to go blow off steam." Sam thought. But instead he said "Well if it was so hard then why couldn't I go with you?"

"You know that witch was targeting kids your age. We weren't gonna risk your safety like that." Said Dean. Sam translated that to Dean had been the one to insist Sam stay home alone because their dad probably would have been all to willing to offer him up as bait and call it "a learning experience". Sometimes he wondered if his dad cared at all about whether he lived or died.

Dean treatd him to a good birthday. He took him to the arcade which was more fun for Dean than it was for him, but at least Dean was trying and what mattered more than Dean's efforts was the fact that he was THERE and that's all Sam had really wanted. To spend time with his family.

That night Dean stepped outside the hotel room which meant two things to Sam. One: It was dad. And two: Dean didn't want him to hear what they were talking about and Sam had no aversion to eavesdropping so he went to the door and pressed his ear against it listening closly to the things Dean was saying.

"It was his birthday, someone had to be here for him. I'll head back to you tomorrow afternoon, we can finish up this hunt then. One day isn't going to change anything dad, It's not like we had any solid leads on the witch anyway. Yes sir, I know sir, I'm still not heading out until tomorrow. Because I have every right to spend my brother's birthday with him and Sam has every right to have someone here for him."

So Dean had left in the middle of a hunt, just to be with him? And their father couldn't have been happy about that or the way Dean had spoken to him. Dean was going to be in trouble and it felt like all his fault. Sam pulled away from the door and plopped back on the bed trying to act nonchalant when Dean came back in. But to no avail Dean could read him like a book saying "So I'm taking you heard that."

Sam hesitently nodded then muttered "Sorry I got you in trouble."

"You didn't didn't get me in trouble. Dad'll cool down and realize I was right before I even get back to him tomorrow evening." Dean replied.

"You should go back now so he freaks out a little less." Said Sam.

Now Dean looked hurt but he didn't say anything and just shrugged as he took his keys off the nightstand and walked out to the Impala. Seconds later Sam heard her roar to life and the sound of her engine growing more distant as Dean drove away.

One week later Dean and their dad came staggering in. Their father had a huge gash in his side and he was being all kinds of bitchy as pretty much stayed drunk the entire time and therefore he took all his pain and anger out on Sam with remarks like "Well if your brother hadn't run off to spend your birthday with you he would have been there when the witch got the drop on me. BUT NO Dean couldn't let you down, just one time."

" Do you even realize that if you weren't so needy Dean wouldn't get so distracted by something as stupid as a birthday?"

"You're not a baby anymore Sam so stop guilting your brother into making stupid choices that could get someone killed."

Even though he was hammered John had been smart enough not to say most of those things in Dean's presence and the few things he had said in front of Dean had made Dean look down guiltily or stare at their father in anger, but on those occasions he stayed mute and didn't retort or retaliate against the things their father said and that made Sam feel even more like crap.

Because Sam knew his father was right. He was a distraction to Dean and that could get Dean and their dad hurt or killed and that would be his fault and he couldn't deal with that.

Since their father stayed drunk most of the time to cope with the pain of his injury it meant Dean was in charge of everything from making sure Sam ate to making sure their father's bandages were changed and that made Sam feel guilty.

Dean assured Sam that nothing was Sam's fault. But it wqas to late the damage was already done and Dean's words fell on deaf ears as Sam silently planned to give his father what he wanted. A life where Dean wasn't burdened with a little brother to take care of.

One week later John was healed up enough to hit the road but Dean was adament about staying behind with Sam which made their father mutter something about Sam's being needy and Dean shouldn't coddle him but then their father shrugged and said more audibly "I'll be gone a few days." Then almost automatedly came out the words "Take care of Sam." John blinked looking taken aback as those words left his mouth like he hadn't even realized he'd said them. John shrugged again, got in his truck and drove away.

Sam waited two nights after their father left and on the third night when Dean fell asleep he took a wad of money from his brother's wallet and snuck out not even looking back to see Dean one last time out of fear it would tempt him to stay.

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He managed to catch a ride with a trucker who understood what it was like to have family troubles and soon he had put a whole three states between himself and what used to be his family. He used almost half the money renting a small trailer in Flagstaff, Arizona. Then he tried to find work, but his baby face just kept him from landing anything that would pay him enough to allow him to afford rent.

Then he spent the rest of the money on what little food he could afford which was mostly Funions and Mr. Pibb because that's what was cheapest and he really didn't have a lot of money left and he had to stretch it as far as it would go. Suddenly he knew he wasn't going to last to long on his own.

It was the forth day on his own that his stomach started hurting from all the junk food.

On the sixth day the depression of being alone set in and there was no one to comfort him. It made him want to cry because it had been almost a week and it seemed no one was even cared to try and look for him. He expected as much from John but the fact Dean hadn't shown up and threatened to beat him senseless for running away yet was something that had Sam in knots. And he was thinking to himself "Maybe Dean doesn't miss me. Maybe Dean doesn't care that I left. Maybe dad convinced Dean I'm not worth the trouble or the grief. Maybe now, Dean and dad are finally able to live the life they wanted because I left. Maybe I was right to go, dad was right I was a burden to them." And all those thoughts made Sam's stomach ache even worse because that's when he realized he might never see his family again, that they might not ever want to see him again.

He couldn't have been happier when Dean showed up eight days later even though Dean did threaten him, because like always Dean didn't disappoint...

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So the idea was that Sam felt all bad for being a burden to his family and Dean stayed sensing that Sam would do something stupid, but even Dean has to sleep sometime. Anyway PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. The next Chapter will be about the night Sam left for Stanford.


	3. Chapter 3

"Funions" and "Mr. Pibb"

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A/N: My author's note under this one talks about why I left out Bones the dog from "Flagstaff" but it kind of becomes a rant so you can skip it if you want...

I just didn't feel like deleting it because it was cathartic to type it all out and might be cathartic for some of you who feel the same way I do about the Supernatural Series to read it.

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A/N: Yes I know I left out "Bones" the dog from Sam's time in Flagstaff. But I did it on purpose this time to show how altered the things from "Dark side of the moon" really were. And it's not like Zacharaih didn't prove he had the power to do something like that. Let me count the ways: ... 1: Seasons 2, 3 & 4 I'm pretty sure Zachariah, Ruby, Azazel and Lillith had been working together behind the scenes for sometime (It's pretty convienent how Dean stayed in Hell just long enough to break the first Seal also pretty convienent how old Yellow Eyes lived just long enough to put doubts in Dean's head about whether Sam came back from the dead all Sam and nothing but Sam, also pretty convienent that it wasn't till after Sam was (almost) infected with Croatoan in Season 2 that Sam started having "anger" issues (I think that, that was the beginning of the bloodlust thing to be honest... Just a thought) Anyway Zach, Ruby and other demon baddies working together and I'm pretty sure Zachariah's the one responsible for the altered voice mail message Sam recieved (Oh yeah let's not forget Cas was the one who let Sam out of the panic room in the first place and who's orders he was following when he did so). , 2: Also in Season 4 Zachariah made Dean totally forget Sam (Just think if he could do that on Earth what he could do in Heaven). , 3: The mommy issues he gave the boys in Heaven alone clearly proves Zachariah could tamper with their Heaven.

So with that in mind Sam was dead a whole five minutes more than Dean... Plenty of time for Zach to mess with Sam's Heaven and make it a borderline Hell. Why would Zach do it? You ask? Let's see here: To make Sam think he doesn't deserve anything really good or any kind of real reward.. altering relatively bad memories to where they seem kinda good, almost good enough for Sam to try to justify them for being his Heaven (a fake civil Thanksgiving with a little girl's family when in real life all dads are gonna be a little stern to the boy his little girl brings home, a fake dog planted into a memory of one of the loneliest times in Sam's life just to make it more justifiable to be an image of Heaven for both Sam and Dean and it makes me wonder what would have been different about the night Sam left for Stanford that would have made it remotely bareable enough for Sam to try to justify it) Plus Dean said he went to Flagstaff to get Sam and Dean would have remembered Sam having a dog so I find it suspicious that Dean didn't seem to remember Sam having a dog. Maybe because the dog never existed?)... AND... To drive a wedge between Sam and Dean of course (and it's also pretty convienent how Castiel took The Amulet RIGHT after Dean was hurt by Sam's choice of Ruby over him (Even though it's clear (to me at least) that Sam was played by BOTH sides (And what mortal man can fight that? Even Dean let himself get played into distrusting, fearing and misjudging Sam.) then giving it back and calling it WORTHLESS... RIGHT after Dean is hurt by what he thinks is Sam's Heaven. (Sometimes I still wonder about Castiel... Is he really a good guy like he claims? Or is he like everybody else and trying to manipulate the brothers into hating each other? (It seems kinda funny to me that EVERY time Sam and Dean start to get close start to be brothers again... something happens that splits them apart and almost everytime Castiel is closely involved. Oh wait... He's actually involved every time something happens that splits them apart 1: Azazel's pouring blood in Sam's mouth: PLANNED, 2: Mary Winchester dying: PLANNED, 3: John going all vengeful and becoming a hunter: PLANNED, 4: Sam leaving his family for Stanford: PLANNED, 5: Dean going to get Sam to help find their dad: PLANNED 6: Sam losing his fiance the same way he lost his mother: PLANNED, 6: Their dad selling his soul to save Dean's life (By the way a Crossroad's demon had to be a part of that deal. Ever wonder who that was? (I'm thinking it was Crowley) PLANNED, 7: John telling Dean if he couldn't save Sam he'd have to kill him: PLANNED, 8: Dean eventually spilling that secret to Sam making Sam have doubts about himself: PLANNED, 9: Sam dying and Dean selling his soul and Lillith just so happening to be the one to hold Dean's contract: ALL PLANNED, 10: Yellow Eyes telling Dean what he brought back might not be all Sam (I think Sam was in Heaven when Dean brought him back and the way Ash tells them in "Dark side of the moon." both Sam and Dean had been there more times than he could count and Sam had died 3 or 4 times before then not to mention near death experiences with all the times he'd been choked (Some people skip the whole light at the end of the tunnel and see Heaven (or Hell) automatically if they so much as get knocked unconscious and since Sam is a sensitive psychic... He'd probably just pass through the veil reletively easily in all the times he was choked out or hit over the head hard enough to knock him unconscious, no muss no fuss.) PLANNED,11: Their dad just "convienently" showing up to help gank Azazel and only embracing just Dean and merely looking Sam's direction and giving a nod with no words exchanged: both vague and PLANNED, 12: Ruby just convienently showing up to "help" and all the times Dean wanted to and could have killed her and didn't along with how he pegged her motives dead on in the last episode of Season 3 and still didn't kill her: PLANNED. and so on and so on. The one common thread let's see. Meg worked for Azazel, Azazel worked for Lucifer (I'm pretty sure Azazel wasn't just a demon but had once been an angel and there's lots of real research that supports the idea meaning Sammy doesn't just have demon blood in him but angel blood as well (Which would make a lot of sense. The mojo of a very powerful demon along with the grace of a very powerful angel would make for a very strong vessel) Lillith worked for Lucifer. Crowley and Ruby both worked for Lillith (If you don't remember where it talks about Crowley being Lillith's right hand man and rumored lover it's in Season 5 Episode 9) and Lillith worked for Lucifer all of them had hands in manipulating all three Winchesters throughout the series, then throw angels in the mix Zachariah is clearly working with Lillith and Ruby to help set Lucifer free and Castiel works for Zachariah and Anna implied that Castiel always was a good little soldier (she never said which side Cas was on or who's orders he's ALWAYS going to follow) who would do ANYTHING under orders and who's to say that Cas isn't still that good little soldier as The Colt disapeared and Castiel was the last one closest to it. Meg (Who not only worked for Lucifer may still work for Lucifer) but is the same demon who kidnapped John in Season 1 and is also the same demon who's responsible for Ellen's and Jo's deaths) and Cas seem to have a thing (Even more so now (Sorry if you haven't seen Season 7) (Yet Dean almost immediately forgives ALL of Castiel's mistakes and even tells Cas he's like a brother when he was so hard on Sam (His REAL brother) for all of his mistakes (which makes Dean kind of a hypocrite if you ask me because he's never truely satisfied with Sam and he seems to be always trying to "fix" Sam (make Sam into the perfect brother) or replace him with someone else, examples are: the siren from Season 5, the kid that "swaps bodies" with Sam (also Season 5 and Dean took WAY to long figuring it out because he prefered that kid over Sam) Season 4 Dean was made to forget Sam entirely which is really bad because Sam at least remembered Dean so that had to have hurt poor Sam (I think Cas is still trying to put wedges in between Sam and Dean and I think that some of the things that Cas has done that seemed helpful at the time are gonna come back and bite Sam and Dean in the rears) (I'm thinking the angels need Sam to become willingly corrupt so there's no fight left in him when Lucifer takes him as a vessel again and Sam won't do that if he has hope of repairing his relationship with Dean so both demons and angels (Cas included... Sorry Cas fans... I LOVE Castiel and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Misha but I wonder about the character's motives sometimes and while I don't think he's an all out bad guy I just don't trust that he's entirely good either and to me anything that comes between family (Even when it's supposed to be for a good cause or with good intentions) it can't be entirely good...but) Both demons and angels are trying to rip the fabric of Sam and Dean's bond so that Sam has nothing left to keep him good. And the only way they're gonna make that happen without killing Dean is to make the brothers grow apart and make them eventually stop caring about each other.) (PLUS ... SUPERNATURAL is Sam and Dean's story not Castiel's story and it annoys me when a clearly manipulative character can't be seen for what they are (It was that way for me with Ruby in Seasons 3 and 4 I was actually rooting for her to be a good guy, for her to really be on Sam and Dean's side I'll never make the mistake of puting faith in a side character ever again and I DEFINITELY WILL NOT BE TRUSTING "Meg" ANY TIME SOON either (there's times I've even doubted Bobby's loyalty to Sam and Dean (I guess I'm just that synical now) and while there's side characters I'd like to see come back Gabriel, Adam, Missouri, Ellen, Jo, Ash and a few others like Sarah Blake (Season 1 "Provinance" for those who don't know she's the girl who helped run the auction house that sold the creepy painting , she's also one of the only girls that Sam dates that Dean actually not only approves of but insist that Sam should marry her) so long as they don't interfere with Sam and Dean's bond because I just can't get fully behind any character that gets between Sam and Dean so... I have no idea what to think of Castiel I just know SUPERNATURAL is not his story and Sam and Dean's bond of brotherhood (really when one looks at the soulmate aspect of things it's a bond MORE than brotherhood (I'm thinking since Dean raised Sam Dean is kind of the only real father AND mother Sam ever really knew and I believe when a good loving parent see their child for the first time they see nothing less than their soulmate) (Makes me think about the "fabric" of love between mother and child talked about in a movie called "The Forgotten" with Julian Moore and a bond like that is something irreplaceable) shouldn't be broken for anything and as I said earlier I think it's a bit suspicious (and also convenient) how just when Sam and Dean start to get close as brothers something happens that forms a wedge between them and pulls them apart .. EVERY TIME! It never fails to break my heart ..

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A/N: So sorry I started that off talking about why I left out the dog and ended up going on a rant about how Sam and Dean have been manipulated by both angels and demons... Supernatural just kind of does that to me.

So without further ado... on with the story...

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"Leaving the nest."

It was two weeks after graduation that Sam dropped the bombshell that he had not only applied for college but had been accepted while also recieving a full ride scholarship .

Most parents would have been proud but not John Winchester. No John called Sam selfish, ungrateful, and insubordinant in a tone so menacing almost anyone would have been intimidated but not Sam Winchester. Instead of being intimidated Sam rounded on his father, went nose to nose with him and yelled "If not wanting to stick around till your obsession finally gets one if not all of us killed makes me ungrateful and insubordinant, then fine I'm ungrateful and insubordinant! But not wanting to stick around to watch what's left of my family be killed doesn't make me selfish and wanting something consistent and safe doesn't make me wrong!"

Now John shoved Sam back and started to yell "You're a spoiled, selfish, ungrateful brat that doesn't give a damn about his family! You want to go? Fine! Then take your crap and get out!"

Dean looked shocked at their father's words but all he could do was stand there silently and watch as Sam started packing his belongings.

Sam kept his back turned to his brother and father so that they couldn't see the tears that were welling up in his eyes or the hurt expression that felt permanantly etched on his face and as he put his hand on the door knob all he could think was how much he wished Dean would try to say something to change either his mind or their father's but then their father growled "If you walk out that door, don't ever come back." and now Sam wished that Dean would just come with him and then maybe their father would see how his obsession had cost him both of his children, then maybe John Winchester might chose to change his ways, might decide that keeping what's left of his family is more important than his quest for vengence.. But as Sam boarded the bus headed for California he had a sinking feeling that he was the one that had lost his family...

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So...Was my take on that night any good? Please review and let me know what you think!


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